His heart was racing as the waitress approached the girls to take their drink orders and as they turned to look at him, he swallowed deeply and met he... gaze, he tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. They waved thanks and went back to their animated conversation. With sweaty palms he wrote on a napkin, "I'd really love to see you dance." then he asked the waitress to give it to Curly Hair when she delivered their drinks. Now he shamelessly watched as the waitress handed them the drinks. Part of me felt like I had been assaulted, yet, it gave me different feeling in which I actually enjoyed them seeing me, humiliating me, forcing me to do things, and the finger in my rectum actually felt good. As I thought about it, I wet my finger in pushed it in past the ring of my rectum into it’s inner depths. Now this was at a time, where homosexuality wasn't accepted as things are today. Nobody admitted to being gay, in fact, I really didn’t even know too much about it other than it was. ‘Ah, my sweet. Enjoy the smell of freedom, it’s not coming back.’ I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world ‘What are you doing to me mister, please, please let me go, why are you doing this?’ I didn’t bother to answer. At this stage, she could feel the commands the subliminals were giving her, ‘I am a silly Barbie girl, living in my Barbie world. Ken is a man. Ken knows best. I will obey Ken. I love Ken. I am Ken’s to use, because I am a silly Barbie Girl, living in my Barbie World.’ In a few. As soon as all this was properly taken care of, I finally climbedinto my bed, enjoying the softness of the pillow and the mattress, andcurled up in a comfortable position on my side under the blanket.It was only when I closed my eyes that the realization hit me: I hadslipped in character and assumed Buffy's role with no conscious effortwhatsoever. I had not even noticed I had done that. I acted as if I hadlived here for years and had conversed with Joyce as though she were mymother. My own.
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